Will Bench

Something I’ve tried to practice for a long time is defining myself by what I like, rather than what I don’t like.

Which is easy when you live in the shadow of neoliberalism. Hyperindividualisation makee the norm singular; atomised. An alienation which of course serves vested interests in the status quo.

But a covertly malignant manifestation atomisation? Cringe.

I used to cringe at a lot. In fact priding myself on being the cringer, not the cringee.

Deep within cringe is a fear and insecurity of being vulnerable to the world and a fear of Getting It Wrong in public.

But before that is a narcissism that fails to appreciate others’ different priorities. To be terrified of the position another is putting themselves in one has to suppose another has the same lens as themself.

Cringe is saying ‘Why can this person not see what I’m seeing, and what I’m seeing actually terrifies me.’

Now this isn’t disregarding any judgement as wrong.

There is however a valid emotion which is often confused for cringe and that’s secondhand embarrassment.

Secondhand embarrassment and cringe are not the same thing.

The former appreciates others’ perspectives and pities a perceived gap in the intentions of another and the manifestation. And this perception of the intentions can only be achieved with perspective and empathy.

Cringe only judges the manifestation, which doesn’t involve empathy.

Cringe is ultimately about ego. Ego is often said to be the executor which makes us human. The ultimate survivalist, which makes sense if you think of the purpose of cringe; a public display of disgust, positioning oneself as other to a seemingly embarrassing thing.

But the trouble is, with everyone more atomised and aware of their things that stick out and divert away from the norm, i.e. things that sum to individuality and texture to life, the safest thing to do is cringe. And that kills us eventually, personally and collectively.

From Sartre: